In October last year I took my first overseas trip to beautiful Stockholm, Sweden to present my paper ‘Expressing nonsuicidal self-injury: using creative writing and autobiographical fiction as self-care’ at the Autobiography 2014 conference at Södertörn University. The conference ran over three days and featured presentations from … Continue reading ‘Expressing NSSI’ published in ‘Writing the Self’
A piece that I wrote for SIAD this year that featured on this blog has now been printing in the Body Edition of Getamungstit, the Gold Coast campus magazine for Griffith University. A big thank you goes out to the Getamungstit features editor Ashleigh Watson who approached … Continue reading Discussing self-injury on campus
This morning Facebook asked me if I’d like to share my year. The photo collage feature has been available for a while but has been featuring in my newsfeed more frequently lately in the “so-and-so’s year” format. While the concept makes sense as Facebook controls more and more of our personal data, the feature falls short for me.
Facebook as a utility is seen as a way to “connect and share”, however the “my year” feature feels more like a “collect and share” option. Where it falls short is in the ability to convey connection, or to put it another way, to convey meaning. This highlights the importance of the humanities and in particular storytellers to the technology industry. Collecting, managing and collating large data sets without interesting interpretation and analysis makes data meaningless.
I make these critics as an individual working in the creative arts and humanities who has only a limited understanding of the inner workings of STEM. The Facebook “year” feature however highlights the importance of interdisciplinary approaches and collaborations. The creation of social media and social technologies in particular can benefit from the skill sets of creative art and humanities researchers as these are technologies that tell stories.
If you think of data as documentation, you could argue that creative artists have long been responsible for the domain. Creative artist’s documentation is often subject to their own interpretation though, making it subjective and not objective which puts it at odds with our contemporary concept of data. We now like to think of data as unbiased. But can data ever be completely unbiased?
Too often we trust the “truthfulness” of the sciences and think of creative arts as wholly “fabrications” instead of considering that each is a blurred combination of both. Creative arts and humanities researchers are just as interested in facts, realities and evidence as those in the sciences, and creativity and interpretation are likewise as important to scientific study. The conventions, approaches and strengths of individuals working in either area are where the differences can be found.
As a researcher I’m a creative practitioner with an interest in the interpretation of what might be classified as scientific fields. I am interested in mental health, social media, therapeutic writing and communication technology and in particular where these areas intersect and intermingle. I enjoy interpreting the work of those in academic fields outside my own and I rely on their abilities to communicate their findings in ways that are accessible. As my research career and creative practice evolves I hope that I can (continue to) find and work with researchers from a broad range of disciplines whose strengths may vary from mine but who are flexible and respectful enough to see the value in interdisciplinary inquiry.
As mentioned in my last post, I’ve set myself a weekly word count goal in order to bang out a first draft of my PhD novel and exegesis. Ah what a sweet idea that was! Monday morning I went off to my office on campus, sat down at my desk and tapped away at the keys. One key in particular was used heavily… the backspace key. I made a little not in my phone as to my feelings regarding writing that day:
blank page, where to start, feedback
Tuesday’s little note was not much better:
don’t want to get out of bed and write, too confused about how to write, self doubt, feel vulnerable in the story
By Friday things hadn’t improved. My frustration made it’s way to Twitter:
Trying to write but the words aren’t coming
At least I’d used a capital letter for that one.
My goal of 3,000 words minimum for the week fell well short when I only produced a mere 1,200, some of which were drawn from previous material. The week wasn’t a total bust, I did send an abstract off to a conference happening later this year in Sweden (fingers crossed I get accepted) and I also caught up on Ice T’s Final Level Podcast (I really like Ice T), so at least I was able to tick two boxes on my to do list.
What I think has thrown me this week is I’ve let other voices into my head. Last week I attended an academic writing retreat put on by my University. It was only a two day retreat (overnight) which means it’s a fairly tiring. During the retreat I work-shopped an exert of my fiction with some of my fellow creative writing PhD peers. We had done this the previous year as well. There was nothing wrong with my friends advice, they raised some great points and they are all talented and skilled writers. The problem with work-shopping the fiction is simply that it’s not ready.
For the last year I’ve been writing fragments. I hadn’t nailed down a plot, I was just trying to develop the character. She’s not ready yet, I don’t know her well enough and I’m not 100% clear on her story… I’m possibly only 60%… if that. Thus far I’ve written approximately 16,000 of the 70,000 words for the novel. This 16,000 is unedited and very, very drafty. I’ve been writing to find the voice, to meet the support characters and to try to get inside my protagonists head! Therefore work-shopping some of this under-cooked work has been the equivalent of a romantic interest meeting your friends too early – I’m now looking at him (the novel) in a different way.
It is not just my friends feedback that’s now swimming around in my head but also one of my supervisors, a collection of other PhD students and academic staff and a non-academic friend who is worried that my writing is getting me down. This is my first attempt at novel writing and at least in my mind, there’s a fair bit riding on it. For my the PhD novel is not only about proving your abilities to an examiner, your peers and your discipline it also about proving those abilities to yourself. One of the roughest parts of the PhD is attempting to keep your own expectations in check. The PhD is three to four years of a lot of self-doubt and self-imposed pressure hopefully resulting in a wondrous glow of self-satisfaction at the end (don’t crush my dreams).
All is not lost. I had a bad writing week. It happens. On Friday I also came across a blog post by MM Fink on Women Writer’s, Women[‘s] Books (which has lot’s of great posts). Dear me on a bad writing day, is a great pep talk. I’ve since printed it out and posted it on the notice board above my desk. Two key points really hit home with me:
You cannot please everyone
Yes! What a valid reminder. Why I have high hopes for my work ultimately the purpose of writing this story (I say story because the novel its self has the purpose of being a PhD novel, the story contained within that novel could have been anything… the story I’ve chosen to tell is deeply personal) is primarily for my own benefit. I’m writing about personal experiences and difficult emotions and they are mine! The story may be fictionalized but I’m the one in control, I’m the once choosing what to conceal, what to reveal and what to feel! Readability can be addressed in the second draft. Right now what I need and what I want to focus on is getting that messy, gross, chunk of work that is the first draft, done.
The story would not have picked you if you couldn’t write it
Not one morsel of feedback has been to abandon my story, it’s been how I approach the story and how I tell the story. None of my peers and neither of my supervisors have urged me away from writing this story. Therefore, why am I letting their voices keep me from writing? While it may feel like it’s external voices jamming up my writing, ultimately it’s my own. I’m hesitant not because I don’t want to tell the story and hey, yeah, I might not know exactly how the story will unfold. What’s getting in the way is that nasty old menace that is self-doubt.
Boo! That self-doubt character is annoying, but it’s probably going to be hanging around in the background, lurking, waiting, loitering. Therefore the plan for next week is to ignore the word count and to not write for anyone else. Sounds simple enough. I’ll let you know how I go.
‘And yet we know as practicing writers & academics that writing is an art form which takes enormous courage & guts: that it is a sweaty, smell business; that love, passions and the sacred are paramount; that the profound dancing with the ordinary is commonplace. We know writing is in the path of madness.’ Brady & Krauth, Towards Creative Writing Theory. P 15-16